I'm now making $11.50 working a job that I hate and I one million percent stand by what I said.
If you're not doing what you love, your heart and your head are not there and your work suffers. Personally, I've been finding when I'm at work I am angry and bitter that I can't be doing what I love. The goal of buying my own rig seems highly unattainable because even if I worked through September and didn't spend a single penny, I wouldn't have enough money.
It feels unattainable. Out of reach. Distant. This has left me questioning my path. Now I know I don't make my own journey, God writes my story, but it is so hard to be stuck doing what you know isn't your calling.
I understand there are seasons of waiting. And I understand this season very well may not end until Billy graduates and we can take the next step in our future. But it is exhausting, waking up everyday and yearning to do what I've worked so hard to learn for the last four years.
Often times on my half-hour-each-way commute I find my self wondering what I'm supposed to be doing. Eagerly praying for that to be revealed so I can begin doing it.
Graduating changed a lot things in my life and in some ways I feel like things were just ripped away. I can't tell if I just haven't figured out how to work my schedule or it's actually as hard as it seems.
I've been at Amazon for a month and it's been one of the hardest months of my life as far as stress, anger, and emotions.
If you would join me in prayerfully seeking my calling, what to persue, and what my next step might be I would very much appreciate that. One additional prayer request is that of community.
I recently started attending Connection Pointe and I am excited that they have a young adult (college aged though twenty something's) ministry. I am working on getting plugged into it, but in the mean time I have this overwhelming need for community that is not being filled. That also is exhausting because we are called 'not to walk alone' and I've been feeling pretty lonely this past month.
I feel like I'm rambling now so I'm going to cut myself off. Thank you for your prayers and support.