Growing up and Graduating is hard

The job hunt is on! And boy, is it scary, challenging, and an emotional roller coaster. It's hard to find the balance of self encouragement, pride, reality, and confidence to keep applying after rejections and under qualifications.

The newest problem is that I don't have an actual music degree. I find this is a standard and that I might be getting straight overlooked because my degree isn't music business, or music production. Additionally I feel like since I don't have a prestigious name next to my degree I'm also getting over looked.

I am trying to have full faith in God, his provisions and timing but when I don't have any direction as to where I should even be applying it's very hard. I know He is good and will open the right door, but when will I know. Haha.. thats a silly question.

Margaux has invited me to go to Nashville with her over Spring Break and this has my head reeling. I am excited for the opportunity but then is that where I'm supposed to be. The thought of moving away in May and being away from Billy and my family is really hard. A hard reality that hadn't really hit me until today.

Also, moving away! Where? What if I don't have a job. Do I just up an move, immerse myself in a town, make it work there? If I move home I know I won't be devoted to moving away because I'll be working and taking time away from the job hunt. Nothing in college prepares you for this. The fear and confusion that approaches in the months leading up to graduation. I guess I just picked a difficult field, or maybe its a calling rather. I know what I'm doing is right but it is so dang hard.

So for now, I just wait. I seek, pray, and wait. Feeling lost but trusting in Psalm 31:14-15: "But I trust in you, Lord; I say, “You are my God.” My times are in your hands"

Life decisions are hard

Sometimes when friends talk about how we are four weeks into the semester I go into panic mode. That means that in twelve weeks I'm supposed to have a job secured and be ready to go there. 

When I have friends who graduated last May who still don't have jobs, this notion is terrifying. 

Ever since I got into audio in high school I've always thought "man how cool would it be to work in a church doing audio" and as I grew up this seemed to feel less attainable. Less like a "real" option. Tonight, feeling frustrated and hopeless I searched "church audio jobs" and some cool stuff came up. Like two really awesome opportunities at Elevation church which I will apply for in the coming month after I create a video. I have yet to delve into this search further but it is bringing hope back into the job search. 

I'm so much more comfortable in a church setting than an actual recordings studio. Imagine if I got to work in a church setting. :/ 

So much uncertainty and doubt is making it quite difficult to focus in my faith right now. I'm feeling like I'm being tossed around by the waves and some days the waters are still, some days it's rough water.  

None of this goes to mention the uncertainty of the road ahead for Billy and me. We currently have no idea when or where will be a good time or place to be married. All we actually do know is no matter where we are, we do not want to live together before marriage. We are literally trusting for God's timing to prevail. And that can be super hard when friends are getting engaged and married, at least it is for me. 

Directly here are some things that you can pray about us for:

- Recently a possible church job for Billy in Renton, WA has been applied for. He is in talks with a pastor there but we haven't heard anything for about a week or two. 

- I need patience. I am at my wits end trying to find a job in a place I don't know about yet because we haven't picked a place. Job searching is hard when you don't have a specific area in mind.. I'm frustrated with God and don't feel that he is leading me anywhere. 

- Togetherness. The coming months through August are going to be interesting for Billy and me. I graduate in May, Billy in late July. Billy is taking 21 credit hours and our time is minimal and often spent doing homework together. 

Thanks for your support...