it's okay to be broken

We are human. We are broken. We are so messed up that Jesus, Son of God, had to die for humanity.

That's deep.

Think about it.


I will wait...


Thought about it? Okay good. Now, we are loved. We are loved so much that death on a cross was nothing! So you might be wondering what I'm getting at.. huh? The title said it's okay to be broken.

After my recent trip to Ichthus and just in conversations I have become more aware than ever before of the brokenness and hurt in my friends lives and my own. I guess it all started at Ichthus... I heard two amazing messages there.. Heres the jist.

story number one: 

there was this guy who was going to go over Niagara Falls (in the 1800s) in a barrel. day of he changed his mind and asked for a tightrope and a wheel barrow. the man waled across the span not once, not twice but three times. before he began the third trek, he asked the crowd if they believed he could do it. of course they all said yes. then he asked one of the most shocking things of all. he asked if anyone would believe enough to get into the wheel barrow. 

now.. on a totally different note

story number two: 

the theme for Ichthus 2012 was Live:Love. you cant live out love until you have live judged. instead of judging others by how they look or what they do, think about how we were judged by God and then he sent Jesus. first, live judged so you can understand the love you are supposed to live. you are loved exactly how you are: broken, hurt, shameful, prideful, a mess. love others with that love that you have been given. 

Now that story time is over, I will explain, and explain what these two have to do with each other. In the first story, Jesus defied sin. He walked "over" it every time. now if Jesus was on that tightrope and he asked you to get into the wheelbarrow would you? Do you have faith enough to believe? The person who really believes, not just a face in the crowd, gets into the wheel barrow. In story number two (though it is pretty self explanatory) it is encouraging to be reminded that even in our horrible brokenness, we are loved. He meets us where we are and holds us in His hands.

No matter your brokenness, your shame, your self disgust with yourself... know this: you are loved. I am included in that.. too often I think about if I could just do this, if i could learn how to do this.. but no matter what happens, we are loved. 

This song has been on the radio a lot lately. The full band version (less acoustic and obviously CD quality not live) is a bit different but the lyrics and the the scripture verse in it has been resonating with me ever since Ichthus. Please take a few moments... 

If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain "jump" and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, or what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.  - 1 Corinthians 13: 1-7 (MSG) 

 <3

God is big.

He will take "your plans" and reveal His to you. Sound familiar or would you like an example? Well... Here's a few.

- I wanted a part time summer job, Go delivers a full time job.
- I wanted 3rd shift, Go provides 1st enabling me to have a social life in Danville.
- I wanted to be in Muncie to spend time with Billy and my friends, God gives me said job... In Lebanon. Meaning I must move back home.
- I wanted to have fun and hang out and work on my relationship with Billy, God wants my whole heart.

12 hours later I am no longer bitter or angry with God. I am at peace. He has to have something planned. I know He knows what's best.. The hard part is surrendering. Taking everything I had planned and throwing it out the window. This will be a good thing. I know moving home will deliver me from a few kinds of temptation, allow me to connect with Northview and small group again, make some money and experience some new things...

Surrendering is not easy.

In the mean time could you pray? After my interview I was supposed to hear back about scheduling my orientation. I have not heard back yet and also my dates off for Ichthus are pending. I know God has it figured out, and I'm sure since he got me the job he will help me go to Ichthus but just to be sure.. Your prayers would be appreciated. I will patiently wait until Monday before I call Pearson.

I pray that I can continue to trust in Him and know that I may go to Ichthus. I am ever so excited for it....

Until next time...

<3

:O

Wow..

God writes great stories.

I just received a call for a second interview at Pearson Education warehouse in Lebanon.  My interview is on Friday at 1:30.  Since my application to Pearson, I have been wondering if I'm really supposed to be in Muncie for the summer. I know what you're thinking, it's June.. it IS summer. But summer goes until August somethignth..

Wow.. I am just so thankful for His faithfulness. As you may figure out, I am kind of in shock. He is so good.

I have learned so much this summer in Danville (the first half) at church and in small group and if I get this position, I would be able to continue to learn. And when I told Billy (when I got my first interview) that I would be moving back home, he was so supportive.

God is totally in this, His hands are all over this..

Well.. I will update after Friday..

<3

O Faithful God!

As you may know, I have been seeking employment since March. The offer has always stood to go back home for the summer and work. I was dead set on finding something here in Muncie and I was sure with 8,000 college students leaving there would be something!

Well... apparently I was wrong, and still have not yet found a job. So, yesterday after calling the 4 most recent applications, I went out on a whim and filled out an application for Pearson Education in Lebanon. Not ideal, but it's a job.

This morning I was awakened to a loud noise (my phone) and not having even been awake, I look and it says a 765 number from Lebanon, IN. I knew it was them. So, obviously I answered. Come to find out I didn't have a voice.. well much of one.

After a 5 minute chat or so, I now have an interview Monday at 11am in Lebanon for a full time job. I am so thrilled. I do not know if anyone else has interviews or if I'm pretty much "in".

Another moment of God's faithfulness, Billy got hired at KFC! He had orientation yesterday and his first day is Tuesday at 2. I knew he now has a huge weight lifted off of his shoulders.

Well... that's what's up in Muncie...

:)

Time flies

If you might not have noticed, before yesterday I had not posted since May. I just got busy. Really, really, really busy.

God has been doing some pretty amazing work though. Even when there isn't much happening, He is preparing your heart for what He will do next.

Lately I have become more intentional. Intentional in relationships, conversations, prayer, and even my health. As I was telling Billy earlier for the first time in college I am completely happy. I am 1000% yes, one thousand percent happy with the sate of my life. I wouldn't change anything, because the way my life is right now is the way He has orchestrated it.

Everyday I am learning new things and God is revealing more and more of my story to me. But there are some things I know that will stay. <3 Those are what keep me going.

So, everyone who is trying to keep up with my life, I will post more this summer. Here is a brief recap of May:

- May 5th move into Granville house!
get cable, air conditioning, other housely things
- May 18th Southmont Royal Mountie Spring Concert
that Bethy Jones girl did a pretty good job and had on an adorable dress!
- came home every weekend to see family
- applied to almost every place in Muncie
- While my Muncie Summer has been "uneventful" I already have plenty of stories and "remember that one time's"

June will hold exciting things:
- Ichthus
- Spanish 102
- get a job?
- Billy get a job... 2nd interview at KFC at 10:45am... yes, 8 hours from now :)
- acknowledging 3 1/2 years of awesomeness with Billy Jones <3
- C25K : Couch to 5K journey

Ummm... yeah... I think that's about it.. and I'll try to blog more.

<3

Oh Ireland,

One year ago today, I was in beautiful Ireland about to learn things I had never thought about before. One year later, I reflect and see what God has brought me thorough, what He has taught me and how every moment of stress, peril, fear, love, praise, and joy was part of His plan. He has something far greater planned for my life than I could ever imagine.

In the last year He has been with me every step. Even when I ran away, He loved me.

From Ireland, through sophomore year, to Seattle and now.

In the past 365 days, I have learned a lot about myself. And today I learned one more thing.

Today, I learned how passionate my heart is for the Kingdom of God. I also learned that I rarely act upon it. This morning during worship, I truly felt the a calling that I should somehow be involved in a movement for the Kingdom. Now, I have no clue what this may be and I have no clue when this could happen. But I am thoroughly excited for the opportunity.

I am beyond thrilled that in 2 years, when I graduate college, I will be moved (quite literally). I guess I am more writing for myself now, than for your knowledge. But I am so ready to be radical... a good kind of radical not a crazy bible beating "love Jesus" kind of radical.

God works a lot in a year... What has He done for you in the last 365 days?

<3