One day at a time

In college I always told myself, "if I make minimum wage and love my job it will all be worth it". 

I'm now making $11.50 working a job that I hate and I one million percent stand by what I said.

If you're not doing what you love, your heart and your head are not there and your work suffers. Personally, I've been finding when I'm at work I am angry and bitter that I can't be doing what I love. The goal of buying my own rig seems highly unattainable because even if I worked through September and didn't spend a single penny, I wouldn't have enough money. 

It feels unattainable. Out of reach. Distant. This has left me questioning my path. Now I know I don't make my own journey, God writes my story, but it is so hard to be stuck doing what you know isn't your calling. 

I understand there are seasons of waiting. And I understand this season very well may not end until Billy graduates and we can take the next step in our future. But it is exhausting, waking up everyday and yearning to do what I've worked so hard to learn for the last four years. 

Often times on my half-hour-each-way commute I find my self wondering what I'm supposed to be doing. Eagerly praying for that to be revealed so I can begin doing it. 

Graduating changed a lot things in my life and in some ways I feel like things were just ripped away. I can't tell if I just haven't figured out how to work my schedule or it's actually as hard as it seems. 

I've been at Amazon for a month and it's been one of the hardest months of my life as far as stress, anger, and emotions. 

If you would join me in prayerfully seeking my calling, what to persue, and what my next step might be I would very much appreciate that. One additional prayer request is that of community. 

I recently started attending Connection Pointe and I am excited that they have a young adult (college aged though twenty something's) ministry. I am working on getting plugged into it, but in the mean time I have this overwhelming need for community that is not being filled. That also is exhausting because we are called 'not to walk alone' and I've been feeling pretty lonely this past month. 

I feel like I'm rambling now so I'm going to cut myself off. Thank you for your prayers and support. 

Oh hey, whatdup?

Oh hey?

Graduation. I did it. We did it, class of 2014. We finally did it. Congratulations.

Many of you have jobs in your field or are chasing them currently. Congratulations! I'm so happy for you,  I'm so excited that you're get to do what you love! It's been grand watching Facebook and seeing updates of "ohh this friend got her job" or "oh, i'm so happy for him, that's awesome!"

Me? What did I do after graduation? Well, May was pretty insane.

Graduated.
Moved home. Which is currently finished, but still totally not unpacked. and by not unpacked, i mean in bags and boxes still.
Went on vacation. SAI NH. Biltmore Estate. OTTERS! 
Went to Batavia. 
Started working at Amazon. Sunrises.. all the sunrises.
And now we're here.

I'm about to get real honest.

I'm here, feeling stuck. Feeling like I'm never going to go anywhere. Completely devastated and broken, worn out and disappointed.

I momentarily digress. The other day, Kayla and I went to see Vertical Church Band. Man, did my soul need that. What JOY! It's funny. Since I've started to work at Amazon, i've felt stuck but some of the current CCM songs were really resonating with me. Now, when I drive to work I flip between two CCM stations and Saturday morning I was feeling really down, and the Meredith Andrews song "Not for a Moment" came on. Both of the stations. Then was stuck in my head all day at work. That song has kind of been my anthem lately. Anyway, that was the song that VCB opened with and I was just reminded that our God is so good. That night was something I really needed. I can't begin to explain the joy that was sent back into my soul, but it was refreshing and I was able to worship like there was nothgin holding me back, not a care in the world.

I guess, that night has served as a reminder that nothing else matters. Nothing else is important besides our loving Savior who we should live for every day. Now I'm not saying things are all hunky-dory now, three days later. And I'm not saying I'm going to go to work on Wednesday and all of a sudden love my job, but it was a wonderful reminder.

Another one of my jams right now is "Strong God".
"Sing out. Lift your voice and cry out. Awesome is our strong God. Mighty is our God!"
Give it a listen and reflect on our God and truly how awesome He is. 

Sorry if this seemed rambly. Anyway, Billy's favorite word to tell me right now, to help me through this phase is "limbo". Can I just tell you limbo sucks. But life isn't always easy, and we can know this by looking at many stories in the bible. I'm not dumb. I've expected to have some difficulties in my life but I just didn't think they would feel like this. I didn't think my storm would look like this.

But this I know. I'm not alone and when I can't walk any farther, my God will carry me.

If you feel so compelled to pray for me that would be amazing.
Here are a few general prayers:
- physical healing from the exhaustion and pain of work
- emotional strength for mine & Billy's relationship. He is living in Muncie until December (graduation). It's been a really rough month while he's been in summer classes.
- general prayer of strength for our relationship, and that we will grow closer to the Lord
- the reveal of what the future holds for us and what our next step should be (both together and individually) because we both have no idea.

Thank you for your continued support.

Proverbs 16:3 "Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans." (NIV)

The Provision in Graduation

Well, it's been awhile since I've blogged. A lot has happened since last post. 

I have a contracted engineer position secured at Whisper Studios in Kokomo pending I find clients (so if you know anyone, send me my way!)

Iota Chi hosted Beta Province Day which really means we were in charge of setting up a day for about 120 SAIs. It was crazy. Awesome. But crazy. 

Graduation is less than a month away and it is very stressful trying to wrap up the end of the year and this chapter of my life. 

It is a huge answered prayer that I now have a job, in my field, secured after graduation. Like, woah. But really. Woah. 

Since Wednesday I have been continually thanking god for this huge provision but I was weary about where I should move. 

Tonight at the Ryan Furr album release show, during worship I was reassured that I should move to Kokomo. This is a huge relief because now I know where I should move. 

If it is God's will He will make a way. So now, I need a job to pay the bills until my recording picks up. I am praying for unfailing trust, something that has been hard for me, in addition to patience. 

Until today, I had cried every day this week. Some good tears, some tears of agony and distress, and some out of praise and joy. This week more than ever before I've began to understand the power of our great God. 

I have seen how He opens doors that you never thought could be opened. He provides all you can need. 

As far as moving to Kokomo, I have an appartment that I am very interested in, lay job at Whisper Studios, and the luxury of being 1 hour from my man and bestfriend as well as an hour and a half from home, not to mention living in the same town as my dad during the week! Huge blessings. 

Tonight I am in awe of my faithlessness and His faithfulness through my doubt. I am constantly reminding myself in this season of graduation and separation and life changes that "it's not about me". Every time I have freaked out or cried about graduation and moving on it was because "I won't see so and so" or "I won't be able to.." And then yesterday when I was crying none the less, I just thought "it's not about you!" 

If I thought graduating high school was scary or hard, graduating college is literally unlike anything you've ever experienced before, which is scary. Overwhelming actually. The education system you've known for the last 17 years is no longer your routine. Your life no longer runs August- May. You don't have summer vacation. It's going to be an interesting change, one that feels too soon, but a change that now more than ever I'm trying to have faith in my God that he walks beside me and carries me through when I can't walk. 

God is faithful. Through graduation I'm learning how to better live for and worship Christ. 

What a Sabbath

Man, today I did absolutely nothing productive today. I sat around the house and enjoyed time with my family. We talked, laughed, and planned for the coming months. 

After an entire week of fun activities and more than 1,200 mile of travel, barreling a virus since Wednesday and a to do list a mile long, today was a true experience of a sabbath. Something I'm not really sure I had ever experienced before. 

I am thankful for this rest. This week of fun and activities with friends and loved ones. This #LentChallenge that Billy and I are doing is really something incredible. Today marks the day of being half way through Luke. After not seeing Billy for a week, I am blessed to feel close to him knowing that he is growing in the Spirit and that our relationship is growing closer to the ways of the Lord. 

This #LentChallenge is benefitting me in so many ways that I don't even know yet!  I am excited to continue as well as the exciting things to come. 

Something I wanted to work on in this time of Lent is for me to figure out how to trust God fully. Recently I had heard a sermon that convicted my heart in such a way that made me realize how little I was actually trusting God and how much I was planning and trying to controll. 

This blog is ending abruptly based on the fact that it isn't about me. It's about Jesus and how we should give him control of our lives. If we give God the paintbrush, He will paint a much bigger masterpiece that we can ever fathom. 

Planning

I'm a planner. I plan things, I organize things, I make decisions and make things happen. I mean business. 

Graduation. 

I keep having conversations about how I can't find a job locally or no one will even contact me back. 

I've heard that God laughs when we plan out the details of our lives because only He knows them.  Man; He must be rolling on the floor when He looks at me right now. 

I'm filled with so much fear, confusion about what jobs to go for, worry that I'm under qualified, and so much more. 

The sermon from this weeks service at Commonway just keeps resonating with me. More importantly just the last few lines. 

Paul was one of Jesus closes followers and yet he spent his time not learning about scripture but just knowing Jesus. 

This sermon inspired me to just stop (not entirely) learning about Jesus and get to know Him. I know this sounds cheesy but I want to sit down and get to know Jesus. 

My soul longs for a glimpse of my future but I understand that must wait. Please consider praying for me about these issues as well as rest, focus, and what my next step should be. 

Psalm 13 and Thoughts

 This morning, after weeks of frustration, I opened my bible in search of something that resonated with me, not just something to read and learn. I thought, "Oh, the Psalms. There's like 140, there has to be one that will resonate with me." 

Turns out there's actually 150 Psalms. But I just started going through from 1. I read each theme at the beginning and either read the psalm or passed over it. Then I got to Psalm 13. The theme in my bible says, "Praying for relief from despair. We must continue to trust God even when he doesn't answer us immediately."

Woah. That's it. Yup. People say, sometimes the Bible speaks to you. Yeah. That just happened. Anyway, I read it and just every word of it resonated with my situation in life. And then I felt a calm sweep over me. 

Below is the NLT version, I hope it brings you peace.

O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever?
    How long will you look the other way?
How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,
    with sorrow in my heart every day?
    How long will my enemy have the upper hand?

Turn and answer me, O Lord my God!
    Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die.
Don’t let my enemies gloat, saying, “We have defeated him!”
    Don’t let them rejoice at my downfall.

But I trust in your unfailing love.
    I will rejoice because you have rescued me.
I will sing to the Lord
    because he is good to me.

 

Growing up and Graduating is hard

The job hunt is on! And boy, is it scary, challenging, and an emotional roller coaster. It's hard to find the balance of self encouragement, pride, reality, and confidence to keep applying after rejections and under qualifications.

The newest problem is that I don't have an actual music degree. I find this is a standard and that I might be getting straight overlooked because my degree isn't music business, or music production. Additionally I feel like since I don't have a prestigious name next to my degree I'm also getting over looked.

I am trying to have full faith in God, his provisions and timing but when I don't have any direction as to where I should even be applying it's very hard. I know He is good and will open the right door, but when will I know. Haha.. thats a silly question.

Margaux has invited me to go to Nashville with her over Spring Break and this has my head reeling. I am excited for the opportunity but then is that where I'm supposed to be. The thought of moving away in May and being away from Billy and my family is really hard. A hard reality that hadn't really hit me until today.

Also, moving away! Where? What if I don't have a job. Do I just up an move, immerse myself in a town, make it work there? If I move home I know I won't be devoted to moving away because I'll be working and taking time away from the job hunt. Nothing in college prepares you for this. The fear and confusion that approaches in the months leading up to graduation. I guess I just picked a difficult field, or maybe its a calling rather. I know what I'm doing is right but it is so dang hard.

So for now, I just wait. I seek, pray, and wait. Feeling lost but trusting in Psalm 31:14-15: "But I trust in you, Lord; I say, “You are my God.” My times are in your hands"

Life decisions are hard

Sometimes when friends talk about how we are four weeks into the semester I go into panic mode. That means that in twelve weeks I'm supposed to have a job secured and be ready to go there. 

When I have friends who graduated last May who still don't have jobs, this notion is terrifying. 

Ever since I got into audio in high school I've always thought "man how cool would it be to work in a church doing audio" and as I grew up this seemed to feel less attainable. Less like a "real" option. Tonight, feeling frustrated and hopeless I searched "church audio jobs" and some cool stuff came up. Like two really awesome opportunities at Elevation church which I will apply for in the coming month after I create a video. I have yet to delve into this search further but it is bringing hope back into the job search. 

I'm so much more comfortable in a church setting than an actual recordings studio. Imagine if I got to work in a church setting. :/ 

So much uncertainty and doubt is making it quite difficult to focus in my faith right now. I'm feeling like I'm being tossed around by the waves and some days the waters are still, some days it's rough water.  

None of this goes to mention the uncertainty of the road ahead for Billy and me. We currently have no idea when or where will be a good time or place to be married. All we actually do know is no matter where we are, we do not want to live together before marriage. We are literally trusting for God's timing to prevail. And that can be super hard when friends are getting engaged and married, at least it is for me. 

Directly here are some things that you can pray about us for:

- Recently a possible church job for Billy in Renton, WA has been applied for. He is in talks with a pastor there but we haven't heard anything for about a week or two. 

- I need patience. I am at my wits end trying to find a job in a place I don't know about yet because we haven't picked a place. Job searching is hard when you don't have a specific area in mind.. I'm frustrated with God and don't feel that he is leading me anywhere. 

- Togetherness. The coming months through August are going to be interesting for Billy and me. I graduate in May, Billy in late July. Billy is taking 21 credit hours and our time is minimal and often spent doing homework together. 

Thanks for your support...

A 5 year story in the making

If you had me stop and reflect on the last five years, I would tell you different stories depending on the topic. Education, friendships & joining a fraternity, love, or life in general, are each very different stories and how they each developed in the last five years would be a very different story. Right now I want to tell you the love story.

 Yup, that's awkward high school juniors, me & Billy. 2009. Our first photo. This was probably in March after we started dating on January 19, 2009.

Let me just make the long story short about how we started dating. We went to the same youth group, and this youth group goes on a ski retreat every year to Michigan. In October, Billy started talking to me and then we started IMing each other on Yahoo Instant Messenger (oh yeah.. the cool stuff). And then fast forward to MLK Weekend 2009 we found ourselves and oh, probably 30 of our fellow youth group goers in Michigan. The weekend was full of God moments and lots of reassurance for me.

A tidbit to know what I was experiencing going into this weekend goes as follows: April 2008 I had gone through a break up, July 2008 I went to CIY and gave my life to Christ after realizing that I am LOVED no matter what I have done, then in August 2008 I was baptized. I was super excited for this new worship-experince-retreat-type-deal.

Aaaaaaannnnnyyyy way, back to the love story. Here we are in Michigan and then all of sudden Billy, who had never actually hung out with me since we lived 30 minutes apart, starts like sitting at my table for meals and then he like.. walked with me to services.. and had hot chocolate with me, since I hadn't yet come to the dark side of coffee yet. (Side note: white mocha nasty, for anyone who remembers that story) Then sometimes at night we would have free time and one night we were just sitting in the cafeteria playing Slap Jack and talking. It was fun. And then here's another picture, good freind, Taylor Utley one day at lunch told us to frame the fire. So being the awkward indivduals we are we did this:

 I'm not really making a long story short.. sorry. Just reminscing.. And moving forward! That weekend was great, amazing, perfect, awesome, wonderful and then we came back on the buses to Indiana, and Billy asked if I would sit with him. So I did. And we listend to music and I think if we had a song it would be "Haight Street" by Anberlin because we listened to that song like.. so much on that 9 hour bus ride.

So yeah. January 19th 2009 we officially started dating. Our first date was on my birthday at the Danville Winter Guard show and since i was running around like a chicken with my head cut off  it wasn't really a date but he picked me up afterwards and took me home in his truck. Then yah know prom happened. I'm not going to give a play by play of high school.


If I'm trying to high light the important things in the last five years here is the short list:

The day Billy had his first seizure, during senior year of high school, was the first time I knew he was "the one". When Bruce called me and I felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest, looking back, that's a pretty clear sign of love. This is the photo Susan brought to the hospital of us. It's Billy favorite photo of us from that shoot even though I hate it.

Seattle/Tacoma 2010. Serving together, learning together, traveling to an amazing city! I hope God let's us return there some day.

Being at Ball State together, learning about music together, and just learning how to be "adults" together. It's been great. This photo was sometime Freshman year just chillin by the Duck Pond.

 Flight of the Fallen. Words can't even begins to explain how Billy "helping Ty" and play some bass in November 2012 has changed our future. Since then we have met some amazing people, gained gospel friendship within the band that has really helped my faith, and just been a HUGE blessing.

I feel like I left a lot out but it's hard to narrow five years into one blog post. This last weekend our mothers came to Muncie to surprise us with money for us to go on a "ridiculously expensive date that we would never buy ourselves." We chose The Eagles Nest, downtown Indy.

I basically want to thank everyone for all of the fellowship, prayers and encouragement over the years. If you've known Billy and I for any amount of time, you know that we've had our hurdles and we could not have gotten over them without the grace and power of our loving Savior and your help as friends.

"Let all that you do be done in love."

- 1 Corinthians 16:14 ESV

What I really need

Today I found myself complaining to a friend how these next few months are seeming to have the potential for a lot of stress. 

Mumbling about the catch 22 of billy needing experience to get a job but not being able to get the job to gain experience, going on about not being engaged yet and not wanting to live together before marriage and how expensive that might get, also going on to say that the idea of planning a wedding from another city will be stressful. 

Later I got onto Pinterest to kill some time during band practice, and I saw this pin and I was SO convicted by this one pin. 

After almost a month of various ailments and illnesses I am finally starting to feel better and as soon as I saw this image I felt so dumb. If I had only taken more concern to Jesus my whole December could have been different. 

I need Jesus. Three words. Wow. Just kinda hits you like a wall. Sometimes the simplest words in the right combination can be so impacting. 

Additionally with all the potential that 2014 holds I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared. I'm practically shaking in my boots. But the same image that convicted me so, brings me so much hope. 

I need Jesus. I have Jesus. 

I have Jesus as an ally. He is here at my side, on my path, walking beside me! What joy! What relief that I do not have to do this alone! 

Man, sometimes I swear I wrote these posts just so I can process. Haha! 

As 2014 is brand new to us, I am taking this new year as a new chance to cling to our God in every step, for every path, and every mile. I hope that you might join me in this same journey. 

Deuteronomy 30:20 

"And may love the Lord your God, obey His voice, and cling to Him. For He is your life and the length of your days, that you may dwell in the land which the Lord swore to give to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob."

(AMP) 

There's a Battle

There's a battle between good and evil
And it's raging inside of me
There's a struggle, it's God and the devil
It's love against the enemy

There's a snake that's hiding in the garden
There's a beautiful apple tree
There is trouble on the horizon
But I'm claiming victory


I'm going through a very rough time right now but God is greater. He has over come. If you would, I ask for you to pray for me. I am just dealing with all kinds of trust issues, jealousy, desire, motivation and anger. I greatly appreciate your prayers and thoughts as I try to unpack all of this over Christmas break.

Winter's Spell

When winter casts her spell, no one sees it coming until it hits them. 

These last few years while living in Muncie, every winter just is hard. Nothing in particular but the town just turns gloomy and dreary and it is hard to have motivation for school. And this year I am having a particularly difficult time finding motivation for God. 

Honestly. I know it's dark and empty. I want to change that. I'm trying. But the motivation just isn't there.. With the upcoming plans and attempts of jobs the feature is a terrifying idea. I know I should be leaving on god more now than ever but now I seem so far away. So distant. 

I'm not blaming any one or anything, but it just sucks. 

Prayers for reconnection and revival are appreciated.. 

The Upper Hand

As a senior in a "freshman" class I often wonder if my professor is ever annoyed with me. 

You see, I've learned how to play the game. I know the questions to ask, the emails to send. In previous experiences, if Blackboard says "due October 9" I know to complete that assignment. No matter if we discussed it in class or not. 

However, in this class I constantly find myself "clarifying" information. I assumed the group leader position on our group speech, not because I wanted it, but because I'm not going to accept poor grades and I'm not going to let my teammates slack off. 

I guess you could say that's it's my personality or even that I care too much. But quite honestly it isn't either of those. It's more or less that COMM210 is one more thing on my silly little BSU checklist before I can get my diploma and move on. 

All this goes to say that sometimes, it's nice to find a class or task easy because you've been through the harder stuff first.  Because I pushed off COMM210 until my senior year, I am more responsible and more professional. The class is not difficult for me, nor is it a waste of time. It is quite honestly one of the classes I find easiest to learn and also useful. 

All this just to say that sometimes being the odd ball out actually give you the upper hand. 

Appreciation to Musician

Two years ago, if you had told me I would eventually sing in choir and like it as well as learn guitar, I would have told you no way! Two years ago, if you would have told me I would be in a fraternity, I would have told you no way!

Since January 2012 I have been on an exciting adventure of musicianship. Learning how to better read sheet music, how to sing and even play guitar. Now, I find myself set to play a song on guitar for a recital in November.

Yes.. me, perform a guitar piece.. in November. crazy.

All of this goes to say that I am very grateful for the group of ladies that took a chance on the non-music major and taught me most of what I know. I realized tonight in chapter that I was identifying actual notes on the page.. trust me, that's a big deal.

So I guess I said all this just as a thank you. So... to all those before and all those to come, SAI is more than a sisterhood, it's friendship and music for life.

And music truly is the sweetest gift to the soul.

<3

He is enough

His grace is sufficient. 

No matter how far you've gone, where you've turned, He will welcome you home. Gods loving grace is more than anything I can imagine. It covers every sin. Every shame. It forgives. 

That simple phrase is what keeps me going sometimes. 

His grace is sufficient. 

Thankful

I just want to take a moment and say that I am so incredibly thankful for the place in my life that God has me in. 

While some of my friends are going through challenges right now I just want to let you know that you are a loved child of our God and that you are being prayed for. 

<3

What next?

Be Thou my Vision, oh Lord of my heart.

There is something to be said about sitting down and going back to the hymns. As many of you know, we don't sing traditional hymns on a regular basis at either of the churches Billy and I attend (Northview Christian Church in Danville or Commonway in Muncie). But lately when I have heard even the simplest of hymns, be it on my iPod, the radio or Pandora, something inside me just wants to stop and wholeheartedly worship God.

I don't really know where I'm supposed to be or what I'm supposed to be doing or even why I can't seem to find a job but it is my continued prayer that God will reveal His plan for my life. It's really easy to look back and see where you came from and why you went through what you did but it's super hard to look at your current circumstances and know where to go. I just trust that when it comes to making decisions soon (around December) that I will have a better grasp on what and how to proceed.

In the meantime, I just keep playing these verses on repeat..

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

<3

like dust in the Wind

I don't know my mission, I don't know my future, I just know I'm just floating through.

Not floating like "la-ti-da" but floating like I'm just waiting to see where the Wind takes me. I am anxious and nervous but ready to start my exciting journey.

Here's to the future.

<3

Encouraged

There is not one specific thing I can point to in my life right now but I am incredibly encouraged that my path will only increase in joy as my life progresses. That being said, I want to try to explain this joy I feel. 

- like your favorite song on the radio right when you need it

- like the best, longest hug from your favorite person

- like a free item at your favorite establishment 

- laughing with (or at) your best friend

- knowing that the path you are on will be for your best interest no matter how many storms you face

- like your favorite weather all the time

- like your favorite outfit all the time

These are a few things that normally make me smile. Now combine all of those things and imagine the joy and happiness one might experience with that combination. 

I think for the first time in my life I have been able to experience true joy as God intended for it to be experienced. Man. This is one amazing feeling. I hope it never goes away. 

<3

The Glory of Our God

Indescribable.

Five years ago this time, I went to my first ever CIY MOVE. In the most cliché description possible: it changed my life. But literally after that week in Holland, MI my life was never the same because after that point I could no longer live as a child of the world but rather I was on the path to knowing I was a child of God.

After that week, I came back with questions and a passion for the life changing God that I had never experienced before. Before that week of my life, I had wondered what the purpose of life was, if there was more than school and drama, and where there was for me. As a 16 year old emotional hormonal teenager in little ol' Danville, IN I wanted more. I wanted more than what the world promised, and i felt that longing.

August 10, 2008 I consider my rebirthday. That day marks my "official" acceptance of God into my life and that day is a day I would never change of my life. For me, it marks the best day of my life. Better than that time we went to state finals in winterguard, better than the day(s) i got my black belt(s), better than the day i got my Ball State acceptance letter. All of those things fade away amidst the riches of Heaven.

Fast forward almost five years and the greatness of our God, the God I happily excitedly graciously devoted my life to has blessed me in more ways than I deserve and I know He will continue to bless me. I just want to take a moment to list some of them:

- A almost 4.5 year relationship with a man who has become my best friend. Though we have rough times I never doubted God and He never stopped providing. His provision has never been more apparent to me than it is today as I am able to see what we have gone through and where we are now.  I am only encouraged to proceed and see where He takes us.

- Incredible mission opportunities in both Seattle and Northern Ireland. Each one of these trips have been full of learning about God and who he is and how to trust Him. I can go on and on about these trips but I think I will just summarize and say I'd be totally fine if he put me in either one of these areas for an extended period of time. ;)

- Countless gospel friendships to encourage me along the way. I could sit here an list names but then I'd leave people out and you'd all start fighting and it would get ugly.. so that being said: you're all important and valued to me.

Though the future is uncertain to me [and i find this terrifying] and i prepare as best i can for what after college will have in store I have something important to admit. In the coming months people will be asking me where I see myself and what do I want to do with my future. Here is my response to that: I don't live for myself, I live for God and his Kingdom. I am going to do whatever He asks me to do - wherever He asks me to do it. So no, I no longer plan on moving to Nashville or Chicago right after graduation. And I'm perfectly terrifyingly okay with not knowing what or rather where I am going to be next May. It's not that i'm ignorant or dumb and don't want to apply myself, its that I wish to apply myself for a different purpose than "the american dream".

The coming months are going to be super exciting and I can't even begin to explain how rewarding my last year of school is going to be only taking 12 and 6 credits each semester respectively before I graduate but I am praying that I am able to learn a lot about myself and where God wants me after school. I am so excited to be in a place now where I am able to truly enjoy the blessings I have been given instead of ignore them as I have previously. And I pray that I am able to see these blessings and enjoy in the future as well.

Basically, Glory to God because He is indescribable and I am filled with his Spirit and joy every day.

Let all things we do Father be to your glory and the advancement of your Kingdom. Help us be a light in the darkness and let us see You in everything - even the bad things. It's in your gracious name I ask this Father - Amen.

<3