There's a Battle

There's a battle between good and evil
And it's raging inside of me
There's a struggle, it's God and the devil
It's love against the enemy

There's a snake that's hiding in the garden
There's a beautiful apple tree
There is trouble on the horizon
But I'm claiming victory


I'm going through a very rough time right now but God is greater. He has over come. If you would, I ask for you to pray for me. I am just dealing with all kinds of trust issues, jealousy, desire, motivation and anger. I greatly appreciate your prayers and thoughts as I try to unpack all of this over Christmas break.

Winter's Spell

When winter casts her spell, no one sees it coming until it hits them. 

These last few years while living in Muncie, every winter just is hard. Nothing in particular but the town just turns gloomy and dreary and it is hard to have motivation for school. And this year I am having a particularly difficult time finding motivation for God. 

Honestly. I know it's dark and empty. I want to change that. I'm trying. But the motivation just isn't there.. With the upcoming plans and attempts of jobs the feature is a terrifying idea. I know I should be leaving on god more now than ever but now I seem so far away. So distant. 

I'm not blaming any one or anything, but it just sucks. 

Prayers for reconnection and revival are appreciated.. 

The Upper Hand

As a senior in a "freshman" class I often wonder if my professor is ever annoyed with me. 

You see, I've learned how to play the game. I know the questions to ask, the emails to send. In previous experiences, if Blackboard says "due October 9" I know to complete that assignment. No matter if we discussed it in class or not. 

However, in this class I constantly find myself "clarifying" information. I assumed the group leader position on our group speech, not because I wanted it, but because I'm not going to accept poor grades and I'm not going to let my teammates slack off. 

I guess you could say that's it's my personality or even that I care too much. But quite honestly it isn't either of those. It's more or less that COMM210 is one more thing on my silly little BSU checklist before I can get my diploma and move on. 

All this goes to say that sometimes, it's nice to find a class or task easy because you've been through the harder stuff first.  Because I pushed off COMM210 until my senior year, I am more responsible and more professional. The class is not difficult for me, nor is it a waste of time. It is quite honestly one of the classes I find easiest to learn and also useful. 

All this just to say that sometimes being the odd ball out actually give you the upper hand. 

Appreciation to Musician

Two years ago, if you had told me I would eventually sing in choir and like it as well as learn guitar, I would have told you no way! Two years ago, if you would have told me I would be in a fraternity, I would have told you no way!

Since January 2012 I have been on an exciting adventure of musicianship. Learning how to better read sheet music, how to sing and even play guitar. Now, I find myself set to play a song on guitar for a recital in November.

Yes.. me, perform a guitar piece.. in November. crazy.

All of this goes to say that I am very grateful for the group of ladies that took a chance on the non-music major and taught me most of what I know. I realized tonight in chapter that I was identifying actual notes on the page.. trust me, that's a big deal.

So I guess I said all this just as a thank you. So... to all those before and all those to come, SAI is more than a sisterhood, it's friendship and music for life.

And music truly is the sweetest gift to the soul.

<3

He is enough

His grace is sufficient. 

No matter how far you've gone, where you've turned, He will welcome you home. Gods loving grace is more than anything I can imagine. It covers every sin. Every shame. It forgives. 

That simple phrase is what keeps me going sometimes. 

His grace is sufficient. 

Thankful

I just want to take a moment and say that I am so incredibly thankful for the place in my life that God has me in. 

While some of my friends are going through challenges right now I just want to let you know that you are a loved child of our God and that you are being prayed for. 

<3

What next?

Be Thou my Vision, oh Lord of my heart.

There is something to be said about sitting down and going back to the hymns. As many of you know, we don't sing traditional hymns on a regular basis at either of the churches Billy and I attend (Northview Christian Church in Danville or Commonway in Muncie). But lately when I have heard even the simplest of hymns, be it on my iPod, the radio or Pandora, something inside me just wants to stop and wholeheartedly worship God.

I don't really know where I'm supposed to be or what I'm supposed to be doing or even why I can't seem to find a job but it is my continued prayer that God will reveal His plan for my life. It's really easy to look back and see where you came from and why you went through what you did but it's super hard to look at your current circumstances and know where to go. I just trust that when it comes to making decisions soon (around December) that I will have a better grasp on what and how to proceed.

In the meantime, I just keep playing these verses on repeat..

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

<3

like dust in the Wind

I don't know my mission, I don't know my future, I just know I'm just floating through.

Not floating like "la-ti-da" but floating like I'm just waiting to see where the Wind takes me. I am anxious and nervous but ready to start my exciting journey.

Here's to the future.

<3